I need help removing her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
