you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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