yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
