I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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