I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize