I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
