benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
