so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize