It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
