it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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