i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
