girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
