then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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