the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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