The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
