I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need water and some morals
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
