I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
