Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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