You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
