Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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