I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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