just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
