Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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