oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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