we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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