JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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