UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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