YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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