If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
