just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
