New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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