Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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