shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
