what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
