Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
