I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
