Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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