uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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