omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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