Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
