I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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