my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
