where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
