I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
