We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize