I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
