yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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