Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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