I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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