I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize