loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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