So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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