I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize