idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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