You're so nebulous sometimes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
