my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
