I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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