the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
