there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
