Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
