I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How naked do you want me to be?
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