I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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