she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just blew my weed a kiss
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
