We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
