sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have already put on my inside pants.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
