Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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