I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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