I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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