whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize