he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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