Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
