Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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