I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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