yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Randomize
