I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
