Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
