did you get engaged???
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize