when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
