maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So many bounce houses so little time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
