We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
