you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
